Faith is what you believe ~ Not what you know

I have seen so much suffering over the past week! Its hard for me to not be affected by it. 2 woman on Twitter that I follow have lost there babies after struggling to get pregnant for years. It is so unfair and I can’t seem to understand why God would allow this to happen to families. As I sit here 19wks pregnant myself worried sick everyday that this may end up my fate I pray for peace and comfort for these ladies. I think to myself why some woman (my ex sis n law 2 be exact ) were able to have two healthy pregnancies and easy peasy births and now have two amazingly smart, beautiful, sweet, loving children (credit to there Father, My Mom and Me for raising them) YET there are woman in these world who would be amazing mothers and would do anything to have just one child. They suffer thru painful fertility treatments, heartache like no other, only to be slapped in the face with a death of a child they never even got to hold. Its not right, its just NOT FUCKING right! I get so angry and I feel GUILITY as hell that I am still pregnant. I am so happy and overjoyed but I feel like I cant be TOO happy or else my baby will be taken too. This has been a rough 19wks already so far….worried about losing the baby, my diabetes, my high blood pressure the bleeding O that fucking bleeding. Its been enough to put me in a looney bin I tell ya.




I am not a holy roller nor do I ever pretend to be a perfect christian, but I do believe this……the Lord has done amazing things in my life, things that I cannot explain away as anything else but the Lord my father carrying me too it and through it. In the darkest times of my life he has shown me the light. I will never be embarassed about my faith. Below is a quote that has gotten me thru the deaths of my beloved Aunt Debbie and my loving StepDad Kenny I hope it will help some of you!



” I don’t always understand God, but I do always TRUST him”



This I pray ~ Lord please be with these woman, there husbands and families as they go through this heartache and try 2 comfort there hearts as only you our father can. I know we are never alone Lord because we always have you by our side! Please take those 3 lil angel babies into your arms and protect and keep them until they are reunitied with there loving parents again, Lord. In your precious name I pray Amen -

No one will ever know!

No one will ever truly know how much I miss you! There is still not a day that passed that you don't cross my mind. Somedays are harder then others but at least I don't cry every morning anymore. I cannot believe I got married and you were not there and it is ever more unreal to me that I am going to have a baby and you will not be there to hold her. Life changed so much after we lost you and it will never be the same.
Today is your birthday and I will remember the happy times and I will try not to cry. I love you and I miss you Deb, and I always will.

It's a GIRL!

I don't think I could have been more happy then when I heard that sono tech say "Its a girl" and she is perfect! 

"Tada"

My lil girl's profile

NKOTB

So I am going to write and entire blog entirely dedicated to the NKOTB (Donnie Wahlberg in particular) after the show on Saturday! So brace yourselfs!!!! you have been warned!!!!!

@ the NKOTB At darien lake 6/14/08

DONNIE aka SEXY BEAST

My hot boys at the DArien lake Show

Saturday may 28th 2011

Glee - Seasons Of Love (Rent cast singing)

15 weeks

So I am 15wks today....Only 175 days until I finally get to meet my lil bundle of joy :) Never in my life did I think I could feel so happy, excited and content. I have not felt complete contentment EVER in my life.  Now with a husband who loves me, supports me, nurtures me and is my best friend and a baby we created together on the way, I don't think I could ask for much more. I know God had his hand in this, it was his plan from the start and I am trying to live my life as he wants me to (even when other people make is VERY hard for me) I know what kinda person I am and so do the people close to me and they are all that really matters. No one else is really relevant in my life. I have wonderful friends and family that are so in love with this baby already that it seriously leaves me speechless.

I can tell I am changing as a person, there is something about having a life growing inside of you that gives you a major wake up call as to what and who really matter in your life. I am thankful for the support and love of my husband, my mother and my brother Justin. They are the 3 main people here with me 24/7 when I am scared, bitchy, happy, nervous or worried, they always support and walk me through it. This has been a tough pregnancy so far and without them I just don't know how I could have made it through. Thank you just does not seem good enough ~  but THANK YOU...............                                                                      

New Blog

So I decided to make a new blog dedicated just to the baby. I can put feelings, photos and memories of everything on there. Then I can print it all out after he/she is born and make a book out of it for my child to keep forever. This blog is for everything else going on in my life........although this baby is all consuming! Anyone who wants to follow the blog is more then welcome too  http://babyshaver2011.blogspot.com/
Its been a crazy adventure already and I am only 3mths prego!