The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Alan Jackson - Sissy's Song
This song sums up how much I miss Debbie ~ Literally word for word it was like this was written for her. If I tell myself she is with Angels then I can handle living this life without her! No one will ever know the heartache we as her family suffer not having her smile, her hugs, her kisses and most importantly her laugh in our lives anymore. I love you and I miss you Deb
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Things that make me go HUUUMMMM
I was up and at the gym by 8:15am this morning ~ It feels good to work out I have to lose 25lbs before the wedding but I'm hoping for 35. Its so hard to not eat and be depressed after losing my job on Friday. I hate starting over after 7 years but that company was not where I wanted to be the rest of my life and I was planning to leave after the wedding anyway. I just need the money and insurance especially 6 months before the wedding. It always seems to be something, I finally have everything I have ever wanted in life and something happens to make me sad or upset. I'm trying really hard not to let this get me down or in a funk because I cannot change it. I have found alot of job postings thanks to help from friends and they are starting out at more then I was making at Lincare after 7 years. That is good news now I just hope they call me ~ I have not been on a job interview in a LOOONNNGG time I dont know what to say but I will figure it out. So I have been spending the past few days ~ cleaning ~ doing laundry ~ going to the gym ~ and trying to NOT to over eat. Yesterday was a bad day but so far today I'm doing good.
Last night Tracy called me with some upsetting news ~ A good friend of ours that we have known since our soccer days is very ill. He is very special and important to all of us in our own way. He has been a friend for over 10 years and besides being extremely handsome and talented he is a loving, sweet and gentle man. My heart breaks that he is suffering and will continure to suffer. There is no cure for ALS as I have found through doing research and to think we may never get to see him again makes me sick. He lives across the country so to see him anytime soon is damn near impossible. I would give anything to hop a plane and spend sometime with him before his illness progresses. I pray for the Lord to touch him and not let him suffer.
Things happen like this and it makes no sense to me AT ALL!!!! Why do good people suffer and mean , rotten people succeed? I don't understand ~ people like Scott Peterson who killed his beautiful wife and unborn son are still alive and walk and breathe the same air as the rest of us but wonderful amazing people like Debbie ~ Elly etc who could make a difference in this world are gone. I know we all have a life plan I just don't understand why some peoples have to be so much harder then others. At night these are the things that go through my head and I want answers ~ Please keep my friend in your prayers xoxo
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Official Jason Mraz - I'm Yours video
Steve and I have decided that "I'm Yours" by Jason Marz is going to be the song we do our frist dance to as man and wife. It is "Our Song" and has special meaning to us as a couple. Even thou it is not the tradition slow song we are going with it. It's our day and this is our song ~ Some people may not get it but we do and thats what matters.
Friday, April 16, 2010
My Blessing
For so long I waited and waited and waited for my Mr. Right! I used to lay in bed at night and think why? Why doesn't anyone want me? What is soooo wrong with me that I can't have a relationship. All my friends and siblings were getting married and starting there lives and I was stuck single and lonely. It was a horrible feeling to think I would never have my dreams of becoming and wife and mother come true. Then finally it happened .... the man God made just for me finally found me ~ but with a lil help :)
In December of 2007 I had emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed 3 days before christmas. The following sunday I was to be baptised at my new church. I had known Pastor Lankes through Tracy and Lydia for years ~ meeting her through helping with VBS and such. After joining an adult religion group (alpha) I started going to church regularly at St Pauls. One day I asked Pastor what I had to do to be able to take communion with everyone else. She said I had to be baptised, I was a bit shocked because I thought only babies were baptised, not adults???? So Pastor and I talked and I decided I wanted to give my self to the Lord and become a member of St Pauls. That was one of the biggest and BEST decisions of my life. After years of anger and pain over losing Debbie I finally realized that we all had a plan and this was mine. We planned my baptism for the sunday after new years. When I was admitted to the ER and had to have surgery Pastor was there to hold my hand and pray with me. We talked about changing the baptism to a later day ~ but I decided I did not want to change it ~ I needed this and I wanted it sooner not later! The morning of the baptism came and I woke up in severe pain from the surgery I just had 7 days prior plus I had caught a nasty cold. I was crying and upset but I had family and friends coming to church ~ So I prayed for God to get me through the day. Amazingly enough as I walked through the doors of my new church the pain disappeared. I was able to have my baptism and give myself to the Lord. That night as I prayed I said "God, today I gave myself to you, I will never doubt you again but I ask you this since I gave myself to you can you please send me someone to me to share my life with" I promised God that day that I would live my life for him and for his word. That I would try and life my life without stress and worry but with Faith and trust in him! Ok so all who know me know that I stress about everything ~ but I trully believe in the end that everything rests in his hands and his will is my way!
So as you can see the title of this blog is "My Blessing" and as I look back and I read this I can see many blessings but what I recieved less then one week after my baptism was the blessing that changed my life. The day after my baptism I was home checking my myspace account and noticed a private message. It was from some guy I never spoke with before ~ My first instinct would be DELETE ~ but for some reason (the bald head) I clicked on it. It said that I had a beautiful smile and seemed very intresting and that he would love to chat with me sometime and that his name was Steve. I checked him out and responded. The next night we instant messaged and chatted for several hours.....he made me laugh ALOT. He had tattoos and was so interesting. He asked to take me out for dinner that week. I was a lil taken back I did not know him I never even heard his voice, but I thought ok FREE dinner in a public place its fine. So of course I told my Mom what was going and I did a background check on him too hahahaha (hence the stress and worry comment earlier) We met at Olive Garden we talked and laughed and never had a dull moment. I knew I liked him and wanted to see him again but I was not sure how he felt. Well by the time I got home and showered I had a email telling me how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to see me again. We have been together ever since ~ I knew by our 4mth of dating that I was in love with him. We had a few issues and some things from our past that we had to work out but he proved to me how much he loved me and wanted a life with me. The day he asked me to marry him I thought I was going to explode ~ the emotions and the feeling of love and excitement were overflowing. I did not stop smiling for days. I still smile when I look at my ring and remember that day (smiling RIGHT NOW) He is perfect for me in everyway ~ we are just enough alike that it works and just different enough to make it a challenge. Sometimes I stop and think "O MY" I'm getting married I'm going to start a family and become a Mom ~ Finally Im getting what I want. I waited so long for the right man to come into my life and the day I got baptised I found him and then he found me my Mr Right ~ Thanks God
In December of 2007 I had emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed 3 days before christmas. The following sunday I was to be baptised at my new church. I had known Pastor Lankes through Tracy and Lydia for years ~ meeting her through helping with VBS and such. After joining an adult religion group (alpha) I started going to church regularly at St Pauls. One day I asked Pastor what I had to do to be able to take communion with everyone else. She said I had to be baptised, I was a bit shocked because I thought only babies were baptised, not adults???? So Pastor and I talked and I decided I wanted to give my self to the Lord and become a member of St Pauls. That was one of the biggest and BEST decisions of my life. After years of anger and pain over losing Debbie I finally realized that we all had a plan and this was mine. We planned my baptism for the sunday after new years. When I was admitted to the ER and had to have surgery Pastor was there to hold my hand and pray with me. We talked about changing the baptism to a later day ~ but I decided I did not want to change it ~ I needed this and I wanted it sooner not later! The morning of the baptism came and I woke up in severe pain from the surgery I just had 7 days prior plus I had caught a nasty cold. I was crying and upset but I had family and friends coming to church ~ So I prayed for God to get me through the day. Amazingly enough as I walked through the doors of my new church the pain disappeared. I was able to have my baptism and give myself to the Lord. That night as I prayed I said "God, today I gave myself to you, I will never doubt you again but I ask you this since I gave myself to you can you please send me someone to me to share my life with" I promised God that day that I would live my life for him and for his word. That I would try and life my life without stress and worry but with Faith and trust in him! Ok so all who know me know that I stress about everything ~ but I trully believe in the end that everything rests in his hands and his will is my way!
So as you can see the title of this blog is "My Blessing" and as I look back and I read this I can see many blessings but what I recieved less then one week after my baptism was the blessing that changed my life. The day after my baptism I was home checking my myspace account and noticed a private message. It was from some guy I never spoke with before ~ My first instinct would be DELETE ~ but for some reason (the bald head) I clicked on it. It said that I had a beautiful smile and seemed very intresting and that he would love to chat with me sometime and that his name was Steve. I checked him out and responded. The next night we instant messaged and chatted for several hours.....he made me laugh ALOT. He had tattoos and was so interesting. He asked to take me out for dinner that week. I was a lil taken back I did not know him I never even heard his voice, but I thought ok FREE dinner in a public place its fine. So of course I told my Mom what was going and I did a background check on him too hahahaha (hence the stress and worry comment earlier) We met at Olive Garden we talked and laughed and never had a dull moment. I knew I liked him and wanted to see him again but I was not sure how he felt. Well by the time I got home and showered I had a email telling me how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to see me again. We have been together ever since ~ I knew by our 4mth of dating that I was in love with him. We had a few issues and some things from our past that we had to work out but he proved to me how much he loved me and wanted a life with me. The day he asked me to marry him I thought I was going to explode ~ the emotions and the feeling of love and excitement were overflowing. I did not stop smiling for days. I still smile when I look at my ring and remember that day (smiling RIGHT NOW) He is perfect for me in everyway ~ we are just enough alike that it works and just different enough to make it a challenge. Sometimes I stop and think "O MY" I'm getting married I'm going to start a family and become a Mom ~ Finally Im getting what I want. I waited so long for the right man to come into my life and the day I got baptised I found him and then he found me my Mr Right ~ Thanks God
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