Steve and I doin a lil dancing

Just how my life goes

Steve and I finally are ready to have a baby .  We got engaged, married did everything the way your "suppose to", did it by the book and now WHAM, Stacy you are diabeteic, you have high blood pressure, you might has cushings diesease, you have a cyst on your right ovary and you have polycystic ovarian syndrome. Ok, I go to the doctors regularly, I get bloodwork done regularly , I have my yearly papsmears I do it all and NO ONE F*CKING noticed this before NOW, now when I wanna have a baby?????? HELLO what the hell am I paying you assholes for. I am so frustrated, now I am on a low card diet, going to the gym, on new meds that are making me go to the bathroom every hour on the hour (URGH) I just don't get it. I am not gonna stress out about it because I could be pregnant right now I dunno yet, but I highly doubt we are lucky enough to get pregnant the first month of trying........The doc wants me to try on our own for 3mths to lose weight and see if I ovulate if not she is gonna give me clomid to make me ovulate.  Steve is so excitied that I am scared to death to disappoint him, if I can't give him a child he would be devastated (so would I) I can't even think about it and I know I am blowing this out of perportion BUT I guess you always just think yeah when we are ready for a baby we will have one.......not so easy. If I was not 34yrs old I think I would be a lil less upset, I mean we only have a small window before severe risks start to become a possiblity.

I know things will happen in due time and if I get worked up about it, it will just make it harder on steve and myself. It seems that is all we talk and think about, everywhere I look I see baby, pregnancy stuff all over.........I just want to be a mom so badly. That is all I have ever wanted from this life is a child of my own. I rememeber when I was younger and someone would ask me "What do you wanna be when you grow up" I would say " A Mommy" and I dunno what I will do if that does not happen, life would be unbearable.
I have a very close friend that suffered through this her whole adult life until it was finally known that having a baby of her own was not going to happen. She is the sweetest, most wonderful giving loving, woman I know, yet she is still hurting inside. I know she is still devastated to the core, but still lives her life and smiles everyday!  I hope I don't have to go through that, because I am not as strong as her and I could not do it. I pray God gives her peace in her heart and gives me a baby OR twins would be nice, they she can come live with me for a month and take care of the babies with me. I could share them with her.......That would be amazing :)  I am gonna do what I need to do to get this 30lbs off, exercise and get my health on track and pray God sends us a bundle of joy or our very own <3

shane nbsf

Randy Travis - If I Didn't Have You (Video)

Steven this song is so true

Alan Jackson-Sissy's Song

Yesterday I was thinking about you all day.......I was thinking about this song and I thought I should call WYRK and request it for you. Not more then 10mins later as I was driving to Gram's house someone else called the radio station and asked for this song and had it dedicated to there mom who lost her sister a few years ago. Yep you were with me yesterday I knew it :)

The Best Day of My LIFE

On Oct 16th, 2010 at 3pm in the afternoon in my amazing lil church I married my best friend Steven Shaver.  It was a perfect day outside.....cool and sunny "perfect wedding day weather" for months before the wedding Steve and I would say this is perfect wedding day weather on a randomly nice day.  God must have heard our requests because we got a great day.  Our bridal party looked great, the girls looks stunning and the guys looked so hot in there tuxedos. That morning I remember waking up thinking OMG this is really happening, its finally here my day, my turn. All of the work, time and effort was finally gonna pay off.  We went and got our hair done and I did my makeup. I put on my jewlery and looked in the mirror and I thought wow I look really pretty.  After we got to church and I actually put on my dress and got my flowers I could not believe how well everything looked together. It was just what I imagined NO wait it was BETTER then I imagined. I looked like a princess :)  Our flowers were so gorgeous I cant even describe in words how much I loved the flowers Lynette did, she is amazingly talented. I LOVED everything she did, she read my mind and then made it better LOL LOL My bouquet was thee most amazing thing I have ever seen I LOVED IT SO MUCH.  I remember standing the parish hall thinking I am not nervous, why am I not nervous. I was HAPPY not scared or nervous at all. I could not wait to get down that isle to Steve. When we got lined up in church I was looking at all my pretty girls thinking how lucky I was to have such wonderful woman in my life. Seeing my niece and nephews looking so adorable, knowing how lucky I was to be there Aunt.  Finally it was my turn ~ Dad took my arm the doors opened up with a swoosh and I heard the song start. I looked around at all the faces of our family and friends and thought Thank You Lord for all of these people. I then got my first good look at Steve and o my goodness he looked so handsome, and I thought he is mine forever, I smiled so big that I thought my face was gonna break. I got close to my mom and looked at her and blew her a kiss, and I thought OMG she is so amazing and I am so lucky to have her as my mother. I had millions of thoughts running through my head in that short lil walk. I kissed and hugged my dad and Steve took my hand. I remember looking into his gorgeous blue eyes and feeling so much love and joy that I thought I was gonna burst.  As we said our vows I was trying to remember ever second and soak it in. After the ceremony it was like a whirlwind the rest of the day. Pictures, cake cutting, dancing, laughing, smiling, hugging, family, friends, more pictures......it was great.
I can't believe I am Steve's wife, he is truly without a doubt my soulmate. No one else could ever be with him because God made him for me. He knows that and so do I, and vice versa there is no one else for me. I have no doubts that God brought us together and that he will keep us together for the rest of our lives. We are gonna grow old together and watch our children and grandchildren grow up and have a happy life :)  I can't begin to say how much I appreciate my mother's help and support over the past year with this wedding planning. Thank you to our bridal party for all your love and help and for making our day so much FUN :)  Thanks to my dad for his contributions and support.  Thank you to everyone mostly Steve for making my dreams come true and for loving me so sincerely :)  I will love you forever

A few photos from our special day