Just how my life goes

Steve and I finally are ready to have a baby .  We got engaged, married did everything the way your "suppose to", did it by the book and now WHAM, Stacy you are diabeteic, you have high blood pressure, you might has cushings diesease, you have a cyst on your right ovary and you have polycystic ovarian syndrome. Ok, I go to the doctors regularly, I get bloodwork done regularly , I have my yearly papsmears I do it all and NO ONE F*CKING noticed this before NOW, now when I wanna have a baby?????? HELLO what the hell am I paying you assholes for. I am so frustrated, now I am on a low card diet, going to the gym, on new meds that are making me go to the bathroom every hour on the hour (URGH) I just don't get it. I am not gonna stress out about it because I could be pregnant right now I dunno yet, but I highly doubt we are lucky enough to get pregnant the first month of trying........The doc wants me to try on our own for 3mths to lose weight and see if I ovulate if not she is gonna give me clomid to make me ovulate.  Steve is so excitied that I am scared to death to disappoint him, if I can't give him a child he would be devastated (so would I) I can't even think about it and I know I am blowing this out of perportion BUT I guess you always just think yeah when we are ready for a baby we will have one.......not so easy. If I was not 34yrs old I think I would be a lil less upset, I mean we only have a small window before severe risks start to become a possiblity.

I know things will happen in due time and if I get worked up about it, it will just make it harder on steve and myself. It seems that is all we talk and think about, everywhere I look I see baby, pregnancy stuff all over.........I just want to be a mom so badly. That is all I have ever wanted from this life is a child of my own. I rememeber when I was younger and someone would ask me "What do you wanna be when you grow up" I would say " A Mommy" and I dunno what I will do if that does not happen, life would be unbearable.
I have a very close friend that suffered through this her whole adult life until it was finally known that having a baby of her own was not going to happen. She is the sweetest, most wonderful giving loving, woman I know, yet she is still hurting inside. I know she is still devastated to the core, but still lives her life and smiles everyday!  I hope I don't have to go through that, because I am not as strong as her and I could not do it. I pray God gives her peace in her heart and gives me a baby OR twins would be nice, they she can come live with me for a month and take care of the babies with me. I could share them with her.......That would be amazing :)  I am gonna do what I need to do to get this 30lbs off, exercise and get my health on track and pray God sends us a bundle of joy or our very own <3