30 things I want

With the New Year fastly approaching I am gonna list 30 things I want to change and hope to happen in 2011. Steve always tells me that the power of positive thinking makes positive things happen. I am starting to finally see (well admit) that he might be right. He is always happy, smiling, and positive dispite a pretty rough childhood and life. He says he knew if he kept going and stayed positive his life would change and he would find happiness ~ He said on Jan 10 2008 (our first date) he finally got his reward and found true happiness when he found me ~ Thank You God for bringing me Steve.


Below I listed 30 things I want to happen in 2011 ~ I encourage you to do the same ~ Write the list read it often and stay positive :)


1.Get Pregnant *****
2.Find a good job
3. Lose 40lbs
4. Smile and Laugh more
5. Stop being a negative nelly
6. get my diabetes under control
7.Get back to church everyweek like I used to
8.Spend more time with my Gramothers
9. Watch my tongue and how I talk to people
10.Blog at least 2 times a week
11. Go on vacation
12.Get a family photo done
13.Start grief counseling
14.go to an Eagles football game
15.Pay off one large debt
16.get a bigger apartment
17.Go to the gym 3xs a week
18.Get on a budget
19.Plan our meals weekly
20.ROADTRIP with my girls
21.spend alone time with each of my brothers
22.have a slumber party with tracy and lydia
23.go to a good concert
24.Mom and I have our weekend together
25.Do the frog garden with Sabrina ********
26.get Steve a newer car
27.Get rid of clutter
28.paint the bathroom
29.clean out the front room
30.Put things in Gods hands and try and stop worrying so much

Parachute Band - I Belong To You

This is the most amazing picture I have ever seen

Marriage Creed

Bruno Mars-Just The Way You Are With Lyrics

ABK - One Last Chance

For Kenny from Justin and Precious

What you might not know

With xmas fastly approaching, our first xmas without Kenny I can't even tell you how depressing and sad it is. Mom has no tree, not one decoration put up.....nothing. I know if it wasn't for the kids her and Justin would crawl into a ball and stay there for two days straight. Kenny loved xmas and loved making all of us happy. He loved the cartoon version of "The Grinch that stole Christmas" which is ironic because he was nothing at all like the Grinch. He was more like the president of whooville lol lol. He liked the Grinch's dog the most actually. He laughed his ass off at that damn dog everytime. We watched it together after we got home from Gram's on xmas eve. All of us in our new jammies, that Mom got us. Then we would all go to bed and xmas morning was time for presents and Chef Kenny's breakfast FEAST!!!!! As we would open presents Kenny would sit in the chair and just SMILE, he loved watching the kids and Justin open gifts. He would work TONS of OT just to make sure we all had a wonderful christmas. (mom did too of course) Then it was breakfast time. I don't know how many people know our family traditions but Kenny and Mom would make us a HUGE breakfast every Christmas Morning. It started YEARS ago when we would have to leave early in the afternoon on christmas day to go to my Dad's house. We loved it so much we continued to do it on into our adulthood. Kenny would start breakfast prep days in advance making bacon, sausage ~ shopping for chocolate milk, grape juice, crossiants, mom made cheesy potatoes it was a feast of things we did not indulge in except for xmas day. Mom would make eggs with cheese and Kenny the bacon and sausage, most of us made crossiant sandwiches and it was so much fun. All of us together eating and laughing. Kenny and Mom always ate last, he would sit back and watch us and smile. I remember last year we did a " HIP HIP HORRAY FOR HIM" boy am I glad we did that. Last year was our last "REAL" family breakfast. It will never be the same again without him. Shane volunteered to take over and do the cooking, which is great but without our Chef its gonna be very painful, ODD, and sad.

I still have alot of trouble accepting he is gone. I still see his face everynight when I try to go to sleep, I still miss him and his corny jokes. You really don't realize how important or involved someone is in your life until they are gone. I always loved Kenny but I never appreciated him and or all he did for me and my family until now. He loved all of us so much, we really were his whole life and all he wanted was to much us happy. Kenny would want us to keep the breakfast going, to keep smiling and enjoying Christmas. He would not want us sad and miserable without him, but I think this christmas its gonna be hard to not be. I know he will be with us and we will watch The Grinch and The Christmas Story and raise a glass of chocolate milk in his honor.
We miss you and love you Kenny and always will ~ Merry Christmas!!!!

Nickel Creek - The Lighthouse's Tale

One Of My Favorites <3

Broken by Lifehouse Lyrics

Sometimes I feel like this song :*(

New Plan

Well I took a pregnancy test Wednesday morning and it was negative :(  I was very sad and so was Steve,  but I decided that I really need to get some weight off and get healthier before I get pregnant. It would have been a wonderful christmas surprise if I was  but it was not meant to be yet. It seems everywhere I look everywhere I turn its babies or someone else is pregnant, so its making me a bit insane. I can certainly see how this can become a complete obsession. Its all you think about, dream about, talk about its crazy. I have been doing some major thinking over the past two days. Life is not easy and becoming a parent is a privilege not a right so I need to get myself as healthy and prepared as possible, before we take on this life changing task. So I know its not gonna be easy, but with prayer and some inner strength I can do it!!!!! Here is my new plan of attack .............
I am going test and monitor for my ovulation, I am going to go back to the gym 3xs a week, go back on weight watchers, plan to lose 20lbs or more by Valentine's Day , montior my blood sugars, Start clomid in Feb or March, get my butt back to church, enjoy being married and when its time for us to have a baby we will. It is all is God's hands and I have to trust in him.

Hopeful

So there have been a few odd things going on the past few weeks that are making me hopeful that maybe just maybe we might have gotten lucky this month. I am trying not to get to excitied so if not then I don't ruin christmas. Wednesday we should know for sure ~ Praying really hard and hoping this happens for us sooner then later. Lord I hope you can hear me up there!

nickel creek when you come back down

MEMORIES :)

ppp 005

Sabrina doing thee entire dance to Thriller, she learned it from watching the video over and over. She is amazing

Trying not 2

So my younger cousin had a baby yesterday ~ She is only 20 yrs old and it was not something she planned. He is a gorgeous lil baby and I am so happy her and her lil bundle are healthy......BUT even thou I am trying not to it makes me so frigging sad ;(   I feel horribly guilty for feeling this way, but as you see from the green lettering I am beyond jealous. I want to pregnant so badly I could scream. Knowing how much Steve wants a baby makes it even worse.  Last night I could not eat dinner, my stomach was just not right and I felt kinda pukey.........Steve says "ooooo maybe thats a sign"  with this HUGE smile on his face.  He has no idea that statements like that make me feel like such a failure. I want to make his dreams come true like he has made mine come true.  He says I already have by saying yes and marrying him BUT I know he wants another title along with husband he wants to be Daddy to. I know I am totally overracting to all of this, we just starting REALLY trying in October so its so pathetic of me to be acting this way when I know woman who have been trying for years, but I cannot help they way I feel. Today is just a O wooo is me day, I will get over it.
I wish I could be happy and positive everyday, but I just can't. I noticed since we losted Kenny I have been getting more and more depressed as the days go by. I told Steve the only day I felt " GREAT" in years was the day we got married.  I need to try and get back in the habit of going to church and worshipping my lord and being with my fellow church members, they lift me up and make me feel so much better.  Yet Sundays mornings I just lay in bed (wide awake mind you) staring at the ceiling but I don't get dressed and go.  I decided I am going to make goals for myself 2 per week that I must accomplish, and then 1 monthly goal, maybe this will help keep me going. I need some energy and I need to find a good Fun exciting job soon.
Maybe if Mom feels like it we might go see my new cousin tonight, maybe getting some baby lovin will rub off on me <3

A Poem for The Women In Waiting

Baby Dust

Wanting, hoping, waiting, and praying.

To have a little one to call our own.

Getting tired of trying and failing.

Just want to make our house a home.

When is it going to be our turn for a baby?

There is this emptiness in completing our family,

This is really driving us crazy!

Maybe one day it will be our time for joy,

Until then we must stay strong and keep hoping

Please pray for us and sprinkle that baby dust upon us!!!!

Our New Christmas Tree

Still needs a little more garland around the bottom

These are a few of my favorite things

My Church  & God

The Eagles woohoo

GLEE

My Momma and Aunt Debbie Nailpolish

NKOTB

MY FAMILY

Guacamole

My Grammy (and Justin)FROGS

EEYORE

Buffalo Blizzard Soccer

The Peacocks

Stars

My Niece and Nephews

JON BON JOVI

My Godson Ty

Babies

My Husband