One year ago I became Mrs. Steven Shaver ~ best decision I ever made was going to dinner with him 4yrs ago. I love Steve beyond what any words could ever express. He is the perfect man for me. He lets me be me, but keeps me in check with I get to be "too much". He treats me like a Queen and loves me endlessly. He understands my insane ways of doing things and thinking about things and just goes with it. God knew what he was doing when he brought us together. I truly don't feel I started to really live life until I met him. Steve has been making all my dreams come true since the day we met. He was a sweet boyfriend, an amazing fiance, a undertanding wonderful husband and soon to be an incrediable father. What more in life could I ask for hin a partner. He has become my best friend I don't know what I woud do without him. He knows everything about me and I know everything about him........he loves me so completely. I pray that everyone feels that love and peace that I feel when Steve wraps his arms around me or kisses my lips. I want nothing but to make him happy and to feel loved for the rest of his life and that is what I plan to do till the day I leave this earth.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
One year ago ~
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Sunday, October 9, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
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Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11 ~ Remember
Have a blessed sunday everyone.
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Thursday, September 8, 2011
Adele - Someone like you (OFFICIAL VIDEO LYRICS) HD Live from Brit Award...
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
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Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
"Didn't Have To Be"
Not many people really understood how things were with Kenny and us 3 kids. We all had a different relationship with him. I can only write about my feelings towards him but I do know this, my brothers loved him. Shawn and Shane totally brokedown the day we lost him, I only seen them like that one other time (when we lost our Aunt Debbie). It was hard for me to watch my brothers cry like that. I will never forget there faces as they ran into the house that morning. Shock, disbelief, heartache......I can remember hearing Shawn swearing an yelling for Kenny to "get up"...... Shane saying over and over again "Are you fucking kidding me" " This must be a joke" The sound of there voices and the looks on the faces will be burned into my memory forever. It was a day I wish I could just forget but I can't. It replays in my mind everynight, I can see it playing over and over like a movie (a horror movie) NO ONE understands what we go through on a daily basis at this house. Yes, life has continued physically...... but emotionally we are all stuck, stuck in June 28, 2010. Hearts still left open and raw, things still left unsaid, living in this house that was once filled with great memories but are now over shadowed by sadness. Missing him and wondering about what could have been, what should have been. My family is not complete anymore. The best way I could describe it is this , "It's like having a puzzle that is missing two pieces, it will never be a complete picture again"
Memorial Tattoo I got for Kenny |
Steve, Kenny and I at his 50th bday party |
Posted by Stacy at 6:10 AM 0 comments
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Father's Day
As father's day fastly approaches it makes me think about MANY things. How soon my husband the man I love and adore will be a Daddy. I can imagine him holding Shyann with that big beautiful smile of his gleaming across his face, his amazing blue eyes sparkling with love for her. It brings tears to my eyes. I know how much Steven has been through in his life and I have heard him vow that Shyann will NEVER feel the emptiness of not knowing a father's love like he did. I know without a doubt that Steve will be an amazing father, that is one of the reason I married him. I look at how much he loves me, cares for me and supports me and I cannot wait to see him do the same for our daughter.
I think about how thankful I am to have my Dad back in my life as many years of not really communicating with each other. Its been a rough road I have traveled with him. Alot of hurt, resentment and anger but Steve has helped me to get passed that and just be glad that he is around and made attempts to see us. I always said that having my Mom's love and support was enough, but to know My Dad does think about me and love me is comforting. I know that he will play a role in Shyann's life and he will be a good PapsPaps to her. As Steve always tells me "life is too short to hold grunges".
I think about Kenny and how he never thought twice about being with my mother, even thou she had 3 children ages 8,9 and 10. He just stepped right in and loved us unconditionally. Not many man would do something like that. I know things were said to him about it too, like "why would you wanna date a woman with 3 kids that aren't yours" but he didn't care he loved my Mom and he loved us. Until Justin told us at his funeral I never knew for sure how he felt about us......when he told the story about how he said to Kenny about buying him a brand new car, he said " Come on Daddy, I'm your only child" Kenny interrupted him and said " No Justin, your not my only child I have 4 children, You, Shawn, Stacy and Shane" Well I guess that just sums up what kinda man Kenny truly was doesn't it.
I am so thankful that God brought all 3 of these men into my life ~ Happy Father's Day!
Posted by Stacy at 5:16 AM 0 comments
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Faith is what you believe ~ Not what you know
I am not a holy roller nor do I ever pretend to be a perfect christian, but I do believe this……the Lord has done amazing things in my life, things that I cannot explain away as anything else but the Lord my father carrying me too it and through it. In the darkest times of my life he has shown me the light. I will never be embarassed about my faith. Below is a quote that has gotten me thru the deaths of my beloved Aunt Debbie and my loving StepDad Kenny I hope it will help some of you!
” I don’t always understand God, but I do always TRUST him”
This I pray ~ Lord please be with these woman, there husbands and families as they go through this heartache and try 2 comfort there hearts as only you our father can. I know we are never alone Lord because we always have you by our side! Please take those 3 lil angel babies into your arms and protect and keep them until they are reunitied with there loving parents again, Lord. In your precious name I pray Amen -
Posted by Stacy at 12:27 PM 0 comments
Monday, June 6, 2011
No one will ever know!
No one will ever truly know how much I miss you! There is still not a day that passed that you don't cross my mind. Somedays are harder then others but at least I don't cry every morning anymore. I cannot believe I got married and you were not there and it is ever more unreal to me that I am going to have a baby and you will not be there to hold her. Life changed so much after we lost you and it will never be the same.
Today is your birthday and I will remember the happy times and I will try not to cry. I love you and I miss you Deb, and I always will.
Posted by Stacy at 6:21 AM 0 comments
Sunday, June 5, 2011
It's a GIRL!
I don't think I could have been more happy then when I heard that sono tech say "Its a girl" and she is perfect!
"Tada" |
My lil girl's profile |
Posted by Stacy at 5:00 PM 0 comments
Thursday, May 26, 2011
NKOTB
So I am going to write and entire blog entirely dedicated to the NKOTB (Donnie Wahlberg in particular) after the show on Saturday! So brace yourselfs!!!! you have been warned!!!!!
Posted by Stacy at 6:16 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
15 weeks
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Saturday, April 30, 2011
New Blog
So I decided to make a new blog dedicated just to the baby. I can put feelings, photos and memories of everything on there. Then I can print it all out after he/she is born and make a book out of it for my child to keep forever. This blog is for everything else going on in my life........although this baby is all consuming! Anyone who wants to follow the blog is more then welcome too http://babyshaver2011.blogspot.com/
Its been a crazy adventure already and I am only 3mths prego!
Posted by Stacy at 4:36 AM 0 comments
Friday, March 25, 2011
Rascal Flatts-I Won't Let Go Lyrics
I heard this song today on the radio and cried the whole way home. This made me think about my Gramma and what she going through and what we are going to face together. I will have her back no matter what! I love you Gram!!!!
Posted by Stacy at 7:09 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Stressed beyond belief
This has been such a rollar coaster ride since I fould out I was pregnant. I just wanna emjoy this experience and be happy, not scared to death everyday! I need to have faith and trust that God will keep us both safe. I told Steve this baby is stressing me out already and its only been 2mths.
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Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I'm going to be a MOMMY!
Since that day it has been an emotional rollar coaster. The concept of "waiting to tell everyone" flew out the window. We told my brothers, Lisa, Cheryl, Tracy, Ray, Alex, Lyd and the kids, Kris, Sue, Steve's brothers, Pastor, my Gram and John but I starting having these cramps pretty severe ones and I thought OMG here we go I am gonna lose the baby. I called and got into the doctors on Monday. She sent me for bloodwork and told me the cramps are normal for the 1st trimester. She said the bloowork results would be the best way to determine if its a viable pregnancy or not. So after 5 long scary days the nurse called and said "Congratulations your pregnant, your HCG levels are doubling and the doctor wants you to have a ultrasound". So Friday 5/11 at 9am I am going to have ultrasound done and I cannot wait to see my lil baby yolk sac :) The cramps have been getting less and less, I actually feel really good, a lil tired no morning sickness yet! I plan to announce it on FB and to the rest of my family and friends on Friday after the ultrasound. Afer the cramping starting I got scared and stopped telling people. I need to actually see my baby first. I have taken 5 pregnancy tests since I found out and YEP I am still pregnant LOL. It is so hard to believe that I something I have wanted, wished for and dreamed of my whole life is really happening. Steve and I have had many discussions about this pregnancy already and have decided we are going to take this one day at a time, and all we really care about it a healthy baby. Boy or Girl who cares! Don't ge me wrong I would LOVE to have a lil girl to dress up pretty .....but I love my Joshy and Dillon so much I can only imagine when its my own son how much love and joy it would bring. Steve would love a lil boy to play footbal with and stuff but when it comes down to it, we just want to be parents. We have our names picked out already, but hat will be kept a secret for awhile! I am scared to death I am not going to lie, I know without any doubt I will be a great Mother, look at the example I have had my whole life how could I go wrong??? I just don't want anything to go wrong with the pregnancy. I am on insulin injections now, my blood sugars spiked as soon as I got pregnant, so that has not been easy, but I will do whatever I need to do. I am excitied, nervous, happy, thrilled, and most importantly Thankful! Praise God for his blessings and I hope he watches over me and my lil baby and helps it to grow and be healthy. Anyone that could send some extra prayers up for Baby Shaver for the next 8mths would be greatly apprecaited ~ Thank You!
Posted by Stacy at 8:02 AM 0 comments
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Why her I will never know
Life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it. The past few weeks have been a bit emotional around here. We found out my Gram has early Alzhemiers diease, which is heartbreaking to me. She has been one of the three main characters in this play I call "LIFE", I alread lost one and now slowly over the next few years I will lose another. She already has changed so much, its like a totally different person (who is not my Gram) is in her body. Once in awhile she shows her face but not very often. I think sometimes this might be worse then cancer, I mean at somepoint she is going to look at me and not know who the hell I am. Since we found out it seems I have become her Mother and she treats my mom like her lil baby that she has to take care of. Alot of things are going to be changing around here within the next few months. She cannot be alone anymore, I need to be able to make sure is taking her meds and eating properly. I am not gonna lie it is frustrating and upsetting dealing with her sometimes, but I love her so much that there is NOTHING I would not do for her. We are going to sit down and discuss what we are going to do, but at some point soon she is going to be selling the house and moving into a double with Steve and I. She hates being in that big house by herself and I cannot run over there everyday, if she is next door or upstairs it will be alot easier and we can take care of things for her. I just pray God gives us all the strength to get through this. Its so hard for me to see her act like this she was always so strong, so in control of everything and now its like she is a child. I hope she will start taking the meds and that they will help her to stay steady for a long time to come. We need to get into a support group so we can figure out how to deal with this. I have so much more epathy for my cousins who have been dealing with this diease for a long time now. Two of my grandmothers younger sisters also have this and they seem much worse and it hurts me to because I love both of my great aunts dearly and to see them going through this is devastating too.
prayers are needed ~ Please
Posted by Stacy at 12:47 PM 0 comments
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
BackStreet Boys & New Kids On The Block = NKOTBSB (Performance In Americ...
Posted by Stacy at 4:41 PM 0 comments
Does anyone know WTF they are talking about?
So my OBGYN had me do bloodwork to check my hormone levels. She was so pissed that the endocrinologist told me I had PCOS. She said I am your OBGYN not her and I will diagnose you and treat you for that NOT her!!!! So I had the boodwork and done and guess what? I DO NOT have PCOS after all, she said my levels were fine, my ultrasound was normal and that there is no reason why I should not get pregnant. She told me things take time and to just stop thinking about it so much (alot easier said then done) This is only month 4 that we have been trying so I guess I should not be insane about this. I know some woman who have tried for years and it makes me feels so guilty knowing how much they have struggled. So I think the best bet is to just relax and see what happens. If by summer we are still not pregnant then I will be more alarmed. Hoping that I get my period on the 24th (unless we are alreay preggers, which we could be) and then I can start the clomid. Lord please help us out here ~ PLEASE!!!
Posted by Stacy at 7:20 AM 1 comments
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
"Just keep swimming"
On a positive note I am doing things on my 2011 list ~ I am going back to church again, which is making things easier, hearing how much you have been missed and knowing I have my pastor and church family praying for me is very comforting. I just give my problems to God and say you deal with it for awhile..... please and thank you! I am going back the gym and TRYING (not very well thou) to watch what I eat. I have registerd and paid for school, so March 2nd I will be starting phlebotomy classes. I got 4th row floor seats to see NKOTB in May with Cheryl ( I hope to be preggers by then) , so I am really looking forward to that. Life is going pretty good I just gotta get my ass in gear and stop feeling sorry for myself and start living the life God has handed to me.
Posted by Stacy at 4:55 PM 0 comments
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A Dream Come True
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Monday, January 24, 2011
Its a new day
I am not sure WHY ~ but I feel like I got a new attitude and some motivation. I visited my cousins this weekend and had a great time. I was able to actually sleep 5hrs in a row, I laughed ALOT, I got to talk and visit with my cousins and my brothers. It was a good weekend that I needed. My cousin Sue recently lost like 30lbs and she looks great. So I feel motivated to get going and lose the weight and start feeling better. I have felt like crap for weeks now and I'm sick of it. I woke up this morning with a horrible headache and my back is KILLING me. I am gonna take some pain meds a hot shower and ride the stationary bike. Steve and I are going out for dinner tonight but I'm not gonna go hog wild. I need to lose 50lbs, get healthy and get pregnant and finally I truly believe I can :) If not for me but for my husband and my family.
Posted by Stacy at 7:53 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Dillon is 3 years old
O my sweet Dillon turned 3 yrs old yesterday ~ I can't believe it! Seems like only yesterday we were at Mercy the day he was born. I was so honored to be able to be a part of his birth. I love him so very much and he is so fun to be around. Everyday something new and funny comes outta his mouth. I thank god for his sweet lil smile when he says "hi Aunt Stacy" it make me melt. Putty in his hands ~ I love you bubby
Posted by Stacy at 12:56 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Bringin it back
I have alot of shit going on right now that I know I have to deal with but I don't want to. First and foremost the whole "weight issue" I know I need to lose weight but I cannot seem to find the motivation to do it. I tell myself every morning to be good, stick to the diet, excerise BLAH BLAH BLAH but I always seem to FAIL :( I know its because I am battling depression (again) I keep trying to keep myself from falling down that hole again but I am afraid I am losing the battle. Since Kenny died it has been a struggle to stay sane its seems. I worry constiently about my mom, about justin......I have these bits of insomnia. I wake up in the middle of the night and all I see is Kenny laying on the floor and I can't seem to shake that horrible image from my head. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it is to FINALLY have everything I ever wanted and still be sad :( It hurts Steve because he feels like he is not doing his job and making me happy, when that is not the case at all, it has NOTHING to do with him. Which he does not understand. So my decision is this I know its because I got mad at God (again) for taking Kenny from us so I need to accept it and get back to church. Sunday is a busy day around here but I will be up and dressed and heading to St Pauls come sunday morning NO MATTER WHAT I will be ~ I will pray again everymorning that God gives me the strength to lose the weight and get healthy, and most importantly I think I need to start consuneling.........as much as I dont want to I think I NEED to.........Im gonna go back to school in Febuary for my Phlebotomy certification and get this life of mine back on track.........pray for me :)
Posted by Stacy at 8:00 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
If Dreams do come true
If what we dream really does come true I better watch out cause I'm gonna have my hands full. Everyone (including myself) has been dreaming about "TWINS" Cheryl, Tracy, Mom, Lydia, Justin, and even myself last night ~ That would be the greatest gift EVER but scary as hell too. I know I could do it ~ but the pregnancy would have me a parnoid lunatic. Anyway I just wanted to document this JUST IN CASE it comes true fingers crossed...........that dreams really do come true :)
Posted by Stacy at 12:20 PM 1 comments
Friday, January 7, 2011
New Kids On The Block - 2 In The Morning
Can Donnie be anymore gorgeous :)
Posted by Stacy at 12:49 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
How Olive Garden changed my LIFE
Thursday, Jan 10th 2008 as I was driving in my truck on a cold snowy night I can remember actually saying outloud " Don't get your hopes up, at least you get a free dinner out of it" I pulled into the Olive Garden parking lot full of anticipation, as I stood inside the door waiting for him to arrive I was nervous, excitied and hopeful, as he walked around the corner and I could acutal see his face, I thought OMG he is really handsome. He gave me a hug, told me I looked beautiful, opened the door and we started our date. As we sat and talked the conversation just flowed no akward moments of silence. We laughed and talked and he was so open with me. Anything I asked him he answered without hestation. His eyes were the bluest I had ever seen, I noticed the way his whole face lite up when he smiled :) I never in a MILLON years would have thought I was sitting across the table from my future husband. I was in total shock when I realized that he had drove his scooter in the snow to come meet me. I thought to myself "is this guy crazy"........he walked me to my truck and kissed me very sweetly, gave me a hug and said "thank you for such a great time" I got in my truck and sat there and watched him go over to his scooter ( it was snowing and freezing mind you) he layered up jacket upon jacket and drive off. I was laughing out loud, thinking "what the hell is wrong with this guy" I got home and told Mom all about him she nick named him "scooter steve" I was not sure what this was gonna turn into, but I sure did have FUN. He sent me a few emails and we went out a few more times, called each other often. Eventually I realized why he had a scooter (to save money) he had a dream and he was putting all his time, money and effort into making his dream become a reality. I was not to thrilled about driving us on every date let me tell ya, but I enjoyed being with him so much that it honestly started to not really matter.
He was with me everyday that he was not working, he would drive that scooter through snow storms, rain, hail anything just to be with me for a few hours. By March he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend :) I was pretty damn excitied about that. The first year we went through our rough patches like everyone else, He was still living like a college student with not a care in the world. He told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but his actions were not showing that, he was not changing anything. In December I had some medical issues come up, and I think it made him realize he did not wanna lose me.
On our 1yr anniversary he got us a hotel suite at Salvatore's and we went for a fancy dinner. During dinner he mentioned getting married, I said well I thought we would get married in Oct 2010, He said yeah I think that sounds like a plan. Within the next two months, Steve enrolled in college classes to become a machinist, used all his savings to buy my engagement ring, told the landlord he was moving out, purposed and bought a car. He said that he loved me more then anything in the world and all he wanted was to be my husband and start a family. God has blessed us ~ Steve has a wonderful job that he started right after our honeymoon as a machinist :) He turned his whole life around just to be with me......we started a new life together. I asked God to send me someone amazing, that I could love, trust and laugh with. He sent me all of that and soooo much more. He truly is the love of my life and my best friend. I tell him everything, even things I think he would rather I did not lol lol No matter what happens in this life from here on out I know that with Steve by my side its all gonna be alright.
So to all you ladies out there that think true love does not exist and that all the good guys are gone. Try and keep your head up and wait because when the time is right it will be soooo worth that wait. As we are approaching our anniversary I look back and smile on how far we have come. Monday it will be 3 yrs since that nigt at olive garden and I could not be happier. Guess where he is taking me for dinner Monday night ????
and that is how olive garden changed my life :)
Posted by Stacy at 12:30 PM 4 comments